Many people are very strict and demanding of others, but when it comes to themselves, they are especially tolerant and can come up with a bunch of reasons when they fall short. On the surface, this seems like "double standards," but in reality, it is not true self-acceptance, but rather an avoidance of the authentic self—constantly rationalizing to deceive oneself. Behind this behavior, there are usually two psychological states.

The first is unconscious rationalization. They are not aware that they are exhibiting double standards. In their cognition, others "should" do these things—should be perfect, should understand them, love them, respect them. But they themselves lack the ability to understand and see others. This state often indicates that psychological development is stuck in an earlier stage, very much like a child: they expect others to care for them at all times like parents do, to be responsible for their emotions; as soon as they feel uncomfortable, they cry, complain, and believe the problem lies with others. They have not yet grown to the stage of "I also need to be responsible for others," or "We are equals."

The second is conscious but unable to bear the true self. They actually know they are a bit wrong and vaguely understand their double standards, but they must maintain a surface image of "no problem, perfect." Once their true self is exposed, they feel their self-worth collapsing. This is a rejection of the authentic self. They know they have flaws, but these flaws bring intense shame and anxiety, which they cannot bear. So they can only shift the negative focus onto others by blaming or criticizing others, to temporarily feel "I am better than others."

The truly mature state is when a person is relatively consistent internally and externally. They do not need to be harsh on others outwardly, and internally they can tolerate and accept their shortcomings, daring to stay with their true self. When someone can admit, "I live with flaws and small faults," they are more likely to allow others to exist in the same way. This is a more mature, integrated way of thinking—everyone has good sides and bad sides, and they are inherently part of the same whole.