# What is the Essence of Marriage?

1. He needs to kiss you, touch you, be close to you, think about you every day, be affectionate with you for at least thirty to forty years.

2. When you go out and people see the two of you together, you are a married couple. He represents you, and you represent him.

3. Marriage is two mature people providing long-term mutual support for each other, not a one-sided arrangement.

4. Marriage is like a besieged city—those inside want to get out, and those outside want to get in.

5. 90% of men will not love only one woman for life. What sustains a long marriage is not love, but a trade-off of bargaining chips between two people. When a balance can be maintained, it becomes a partnership.

6. Lower-class men have no choice in marriage. As long as the woman's demands are not too excessive, they basically hit it off immediately.

7. 80% of divorced men and women believe their marriage broke down because they gradually became distant from each other, lost intimacy, or because they did not feel love and appreciation.

8. Marriage is not simply 1+1=2, but rather two independent individuals creating a new world belonging to both of them based on mutual respect, understanding, and support.

9. Young people, do not over-idealize love. Marriage is not the starting point of happiness, but the beginning of a test of human nature.

10. Everyone, whether man or woman, wants to receive love from their partner.

11. Actually, in marriage, no matter who you spend your life with, you are ultimately spending it with yourself. What determines whether a marriage is happy is not dependent on external material conditions, but on whether you truly understand marriage.

12. No matter who you spend your life with, it's essentially the same. The right person is not born; the person compatible with you is cultivated through compromise. There is no perfect other half in the world, only two people who tolerate each other because they love.

13. Most families are just getting by together, especially families with children. The proportion of families with truly high-quality marriages is lower than you might imagine.

14. Actually, our initial concept of love and marriage comes from how we view our parents' marriage. The model of our parents' and elders' marriages determines the entire family and even shapes the children's views on marriage and love.

15. A man's charm is the wisdom and stability accumulated over time. Sweet words from a man are not important; what matters is whether his promises can be fulfilled.

16. Whether it's love, friendship, or family bonds, pursuing purely one-sided relationships will lead to disappointment—these are immature idealistic notions. Demanding in the name of love that the stronger party in a relationship make concessions and tolerate the weaker party is asking people to be martyrs.

17. The most overlooked essence of marriage is this: marriage is actually very difficult. Because the essence of marriage constrains your sense of self, there are rarely couples who are completely compatible. After all, people are too close to each other—we are like hedgehogs—so the stronger one's sense of self, the harder the marriage becomes. Another explanation is that human nature is inherently selfish first and then selfless, while the essence of marriage is selfless first and then selfish. These two natures are contradictory by themselves, so marriage is actually difficult.