CryptoGlasses

My ex-girlfriend refused to get married. She asked me to go drink wedding wine.
I was thinking about what to say when
the groom and bride were about to come toast.
I raised my glass and said to the groom:
Brother, your wife is really beautiful, I’ll drink first.

My girlfriend checked on me in the middle of the night and couldn’t find me or you—I mean, she couldn’t find me, and questioned me the next day:
“Be honest with me. Where did you go last night? Were you out messing around with some other little girl?”
Me: “No. I was just drinking with a few brothers.”
Girlfriend: “Drinking with your brothers—why didn’t you answer the video call?”
Me: “I wasn’t able to answer.”
Girlfriend: “If you’re with your brothers, why wasn’t it convenient? There’s definitely some little girl involved.”
Me: “You’re so full of things all day long. Where would th

My brother-in-law and his wife often argue, and every time they argue, the wife goes back to her parents' house.
But after a few days, the wife comes back on her own. Over time, the brother-in-law feels quite sorry for his wife.
This time after an argument, he went to pick her up. When they arrived at the father-in-law's house, the father-in-law excitedly said: "Oh, it's been over half a year since you guys came back. Where's my daughter? Why didn't she come back with you?"

My friend was talking to me about his family last night after getting drunk.
His mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to visit and stayed at his place.
The night before last, he got off work and went home. He saw his sister-in-law wearing his wife’s sleepwear, busy in the kitchen.
Thinking it was his wife, he came up behind her and gave her a big bear hug. He didn’t expect the sister-in-law to resist—then he leaned in and kissed her hard again.
Right then, he felt a sudden hard slap on the back of his head, and his mother-in-law said from behind:
What are you so excited about—hugging

I asked a boss who is already free what happiness is.
The boss said happiness is actually very simple:
One good body, two good children, three good wives, four good friends, five hundred thousand yuan.

Lovers' dates, where is the safest place?
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I have a buddy who didn't get married before 32. He was living a lavish life, just playing all day long.
Obsessed with nightclubs, camping, fishing, hiking, and even bought a heavy motorcycle. Whenever he's free, he rides around the island on it. He also goes to Japan and Thailand a few times a year for vacations.
I said: "You're already 32, you can't keep wasting time like this."
I earnestly advised him: "Bro, listen to me, stop wasting time, get married soon."
So I introduced him to a 29-year-old woman who was divorced and had a kid. She was pretty good, not demanding much.
I also

My friend went on a blind date, and after chatting for 3 minutes, he stood up and left.
The matchmaker hurriedly followed and asked, “Why aren’t you chatting anymore?
The friend admitted, “Oh, come on—she’s not someone I can chat with. She’s a supermarket stock clerk earning more than 3,000 a month. She carries a Chanel, and in her hand she has a top-of-the-line iPhone 17 Pro Max that costs over 10,000.
I’m someone who runs a small business—an income of over a hundred thousand a year counts as a decent life too, but look at her style like that—I just can’t afford to support it!
I don’t

Every time my girlfriend tells me goodnight,
I feel like she and her husband are doing something wrong against me.
What should I do?

My sister-in-law gave birth.
I asked my mother-in-law what was born.
My mother-in-law said, "Two pieces of pig skin."
I asked, "What is pig skin?"
My mother-in-law ignored me, and I didn't dare to ask further...

Every time I pick up my wife from work and run into her best friend, she always gives me a contemptuous look.
I was puzzled and asked my wife what was going on.
My wife said: I told her that you're impotent and I want to leave you. You hit me, and I endured it silently to stay with you.
I looked at my wife with an innocent expression.
My wife then said: Bragging about your husband to your best friend is just plain stupid.

Last night, just as I fell asleep, our boss called me and told me to pick him up at the airport.
After hanging up the phone, I told my girlfriend sitting next to me:
I said, I'm damn well a miserable person in this life.
Just finished serving you, and now I have to serve your husband.

Last night, my little nephew asked me: Uncle, there's a phrase called 一丝不啥.
I said: 一丝不挂.
Today, my sister and brother-in-law started arguing.
I asked my brother-in-law why they were fighting.
He said: Your good nephew wrote in his homework yesterday: "My dad and a few aunts working together look completely naked," which left a deep impression on me.
I...

After dinner, I went for a walk in the square. I happened to meet an old man and struck up a few words. We talked about how, a few years ago, on his wedding day, his wife cried and went back to her parents' house.
His mother-in-law wasn't happy and came to ask him, "What did you do to upset my daughter?"
The old man said, "I didn't do anything to her."
The mother-in-law asked, "Then she said she was scared by you."
The old man replied, "She was actually scared by my underwear."
The mother-in-law asked, "What's wrong with your underwear?"
The old man explained, "Our family is poor.

Yesterday in the middle of the night, my sister-in-law asked if I was home.
I looked confused and asked: What's wrong? Is there something going on?
My sister-in-law took a few minutes to reply: I've been married to your brother for three years and we don't have kids. Last week, we went to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor said your brother has low sperm count, and if we want to have a child, we need to do artificial insemination, which is very expensive—around 70,000 to 80,000 yuan. You know how much we want a child, so your brother wants me to talk to you about it...
I was stunned

My wife has recently been suspicious that I have been ambiguous with my sister-in-law.
Last night, she took my phone and insisted on sending a message to my sister-in-law to test: "Xiao Qin, are you asleep? I miss you."
Seeing the message sent out, I felt my heart pounding and my palms sweating.
Soon after, my sister-in-law replied, "Are you crazy?"
Seeing her reply, I sighed in relief and secretly praised my sister-in-law for being clever, avoiding getting caught.
Then, the video call rang—it was my sister-in-law. My wife asked me to answer on speakerphone:
"Brother-in-law, I miss